What had happened was...

I find it amazing how time flies whether you are actually having fun or not. It has been 9 months since I posted here! Many things have happened since then not the least of which are the fact that I am gonna be a Gramma again in December AND the first lil guy who made me a Gramma has turned one! Phylicia and Andrew are expecting a baby in December of this year and as you can imagine we are all ecstatic!

  

How cute is he? His Daddy aka Navy Man is now stationed here in Ohio! He and Heather have bought a house centrally located between where I live and where he works. 

When I was in my early 20's and a size 12 I never thought about size or weight. When I was a size 18 I had no issues with my size or weight. Suddenly at size 22 I had an issue with both. 

When I first started this blog I had determined that it was time to accept and love myself bi-focals, false teeth, saggy boobs, flat butt, and all. I had fun buying clothing and accessories in thrift stores. at yard sales, and on clearance racks. 

On my trip to meet Mason I even got to visit some thrift stores in New Orleans:). So...I started dressing "up" more often. By this I mean that when I went out of the house I tried to not look like someone's Mom or Gramma. I did pretty well and had lots of fun doing so. 

That is until I freaked out. I got all self-conscious and began to doubt myself. While I love most of the photo's I posted I began wrestling with how to reconcile who I am on the inside to how I think look on the outside. I know that I am most definitely my own worst critic and yet somehow that did not help me in my struggle. For one thing I always felt over dressed most places I went. I did get looks and more attention than ever but it was not comforting to me at all. Here recently I have had an epiphany! I had fallen into the trap of trying to control how other people viewed and responded to me and my new way of dressing. I was terrified of being looked at like 'the crazy lady' at the store, or someone thinking, "Why would she wear THAT?" Due to the fact that my 6th grade teacher(who had been eyeballing me quite pervertedly since I had been in the 4th grade) placed my desk in front of his where he stood a better chance of looking up my skirts, I have not been comfortable with unsolicited attention from male strangers. I also dressed conservatively for most of my adult years because of this because, as children often do, I thought his unwarranted attentions were my fault. Looking back to when I was in my early 20's I see that I while I was not 'flaunting' my everything there was still an soft unspoken sexiness to the outfits I wore and I loved them. 

Four babies later and in my 30's and 40's I dressed like a Mom which was not necessarily a bad thing. For someone who insisted on wearing skirts and dresses until she was 15 I found a renewed love for blue jeans. 

Many amazing things happened when I turned 50! First there was an awesome party at a local bar where I managed to get pretty drunk with 3 of my 4 kids(great role modeling there, buddy!), those same 3 kids were out on their own, and life was, well, less complicated. No longer did so many of the things I had been so concerned/twisted/tormented about matter. PLUS, it was now time for me to be me! I began reading blogs written about body image, self-love, and learning to be who you are. I wanted a healthy self-image and to find joy in "being a girl" again. I got brave and started this blog. Well, I am back in more ways than one and I plan to continue sharing my struggles and victories with anyone who will read. 

May you be content with yourself the way you are, 

Phyllis